I Cant Afford To Leave My Spouse… So I Found Freedom In An Affair Married Men And Women Reveal The Cost Of Divorce Has Driven Them To Cheat On Their Other Half Instead Of Walking Away

Susan* had just given birth to twins when she realised her husband was having an affair.

The betrayal – which started well over a year prior – shattered what the mother had believed was a perfect, happy marriage.

Weighing up her options, Susan concluded she couldn’t afford to leave her spouse and give her children a good life, quickly realising she was trapped with a man she couldn’t trust.

The affair continued around a year later, marking one of several sexual betrayals Susan would have to endure while raising the couple’s young children.

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That was until she hit 50, when the mother got chatting to a man in a bar and realised it was time to reclaim her life.

Her first full-blown affair lasted around eight months, but ended when the man she was seeing wanted of Susan’s time than she could give.

Now, she has been happily seeing her new lover for several months, and her cheating husband is none the wiser.

The mother said she would leave her loveless marriage tomorrow if she could, but the cost of divorce keeps her stuck with her spouse.

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‘I don’t feel any guilt whatsoever,’ she told the Daily Mail.

‘My husband had an affair when I was expecting the twins about 13 years ago. I found out, when the twins were about four weeks old, that he’d been having an affair for quite a while.

‘It continued a year or so later. So I worked out if I could afford to stay or go, and I had small children at the time, so I couldn’t afford to leave, and I decided the best thing for the kids was to stay. I’m still there now.’

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Susan added: ‘How could he sit there and watch me have the twins, and know what he was doing?

‘I thought we had everything. I was madly in love. I would have died for him – I would have done anything.’

Susan decided enough was enough after her 50th birthday, having had no physical intimacy with her husband for years, and sleeping in a separate part of the house.

She started seeing a man she’d met in a bar – a relationship which failed eight months later when he became single and wanted of her time – before Susan saw an advert for Illicit Encounters, the UK’s largest dating site for married people.

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‘I saw someone locally for a while, and that lasted about eight months,’ she said. ‘That finished because his situation changed – he was sort of seeing someone and then he wasn’t, and he wanted of my time which I couldn’t give.

‘Then I saw the IE advert pop up on my phone one day (…), and I thought at least people in that situation are in the same situation as me, who have other commitments and things like that.

‘I went on there, had lots of coffees, met lots of people, and then I met a lovely guy, and we’ve been seeing each other quite a lot, and we’re going away next weekend.’

The mother has told her husband she is going on a training weekend, but is actually leaving for a romantic getaway with her new man.

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‘I’m at the stage where I’m not going to tell (my husband), but if he ever found out I’d just be like, well, pot and kettle,’ Susan said.

‘We sleep separately; we have done for a long, long time. He pretty much lives in one part of the house and I live in the other. If we go on holiday with the kids, in the caravan, if we have to share a bed we do, but we’ve not had a kiss for years, let alone anything else.

‘We don’t have a physical relationship; we hardly ever talk unless we have to, about the kids and things.’

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Susan’s new man – who she said she has fallen in love with – is also married, and his children are old enough to have left home.

‘He loves me too, and he’s said we’re not ruling out things in a few years time when my kids are older, we’ll see how it goes,’ she said.

‘I am very happy now. I wasn’t happy when I wasn’t having an affair. Now, I smile all day, all the time, and I can’t wait to get up.’

A heartbreaking new poll carried out by Illicit Encounter reveals that 58 per cent of people are trapped in unhappy marriages because they simply cannot afford to leave their partner.

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Of those financially constrained people, 84 per cent admit they would leave their spouse tomorrow if they weren’t scared of the financial consequences of divorce.

So, Susan isn’t the only one staying in a loveless marriage for financial reasons.

Anthony*, a 53-year-old business consultant, has been cheating on his wife for several months after she made him feel ‘invisible’ in the relationship for years.

He would also like a divorce, but knows his spouse would take ‘half of what I’ve spent my life building’.

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Speaking about his affair, Anthony told the Mail: ‘We meet a few times a month when our schedules allow, and she’s the only one I’ve been involved with.

‘Before this, I was completely faithful to my wife since the day we met 20 years ago. I never strayed, even though our marriage had been cold for a long time.

‘But after years of feeling ignored and unimportant, I reached a point where I thought, “This can’t be what life is about”. I’m not getting any younger, and the older you get, the you realise that life is too short to spend it feeling invisible.’

Anthony said the affair is both emotional and physical, adding: ‘The physical connection is incredible, of course… it reminds you that you’re still alive, still a man with desires. But if that was all it was, I’m not sure I could justify an affair to myself.

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‘What I was truly starved of was the emotional intimacy. For years, my attempts at conversation were met with one-word answers or a glaze over the eyes. With my lover, we can talk for hours. We talk about our days, our dreams, our frustrations.

‘She remembers the small things I tell her. That feeling of being heard, of being genuinely interesting to someone… that’s the drug. The physical intimacy feels like a natural extension of that emotional connection, not the sole purpose of it.’

Anthony said he would ‘leave tomorrow’ if he could, but fears the ‘financial fallout’ would be devastating.

‘I’ve worked hard to build a career and a comfortable life, but divorce would mean losing half of everything,’ he said.

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‘I’d have to essentially start again at 53. That fear keeps me in the marriage, even though the love is long gone.’

He added: ‘I know I’d be happier living authentically with someone who actually wants me, rather than staying in a house where I feel invisible. Right now, I’m surviving rather than living.

‘The affair has reminded me what happiness feels like, but I’d love to experience that openly, without secrecy or fear of losing everything I’ve worked for.’

Anthony said he feels guilty for cheating on his wife, but feels ‘justified’ after trying to fix the broken relationship for years.

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‘I do feel guilty… I think any decent person would. But I also feel justified. I tried for years to fix things, to communicate, to reignite something – anything. Nothing changed,’ he said.

‘Eventually, the guilt of staying in a loveless marriage started to outweigh the guilt of seeking comfort elsewhere.

‘I’m not proud of being in this situation, but I also don’t think I’m a villain. The affair isn’t the cause of my marriage breaking down… it’s the result of it being broken for a very long time.’

Anthony also met his new lover on Illicit Encounters.

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A new survey of 2,000 members (split evenly between men and women) reveals that 58 per cent of people admit they stay in their marriage for financial reasons – and of those, 84 per cent say they’d leave tomorrow if they weren’t fearful of the financial impact of divorce.

Relationship expert Jessica Leoni, from IllicitEncounters.com, said: ‘Financial entrapment is one of the hidden drivers of modern infidelity,’ she explains. ‘Many people feel they have no real option to leave – the cost of housing, childcare, and living expenses means they’re effectively locked into their marriages.

‘For some, an affair becomes a way to reclaim a piece of themselves without tearing their whole life apart.’

*Name has been changed.

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