We’ve all seen it happen – a man in midlife trades in his long-term wife for someone younger and shinier.

He buys a new car, starts wearing ridiculous trainers, and suddenly discovers Tiktok. His friends shake their heads, his wife’s friends mutter, ‘He’ll regret this’ – and statistically, they’re right.

While looks and sex are two reasons why men fall for younger women, they’re not the REAL reason they leave a partner and family they often genuinely love.

It’s not vanity and lust that’s driving them – it’s fear.

Research shows many men who chase much younger partners are actually seeking validation, not adventure.

They’re not running towards someone new – they’re running away from ageing, responsibility and a life that’s slipping by.

A younger woman makes them feel relevant again: she looks at him with admiration, not exasperation. For a man wrestling with middle age, that gaze can feel intoxicating.

So far, so good.

Until the very thing that drew him in – her youth – starts to unravel the high.

The ego boost that backfires

He starts to compare: her skin, her energy, her natural ease with life versus his wrinkles, lethargy and discomfort with a world he’s finding increasingly threatening and unfamiliar.

Not only doesn’t he feel better about himself, the realisation of what he’s now lost hits home – hard.

Here’s one man’s story of what happened when he chased the fountain of youth – and instead got a magnifying glass on his mortality.

‘I LEFT MY WIFE FOR A FANTASY THAT DIDN’T SURVIVE DAYLIGHT’

Martin, 52, left his wife of 22 years for a woman 21 years younger.

‘I am the cliché. I left because I wanted to feel alive again. My wife and I were happy and comfortable but there was no excitement.

‘She hated live music and clubbing and couldn’t wait to leave it behind. I missed it. She only wanted resort style travel; I still wanted adventures off the beaten track.

‘I felt old before my time so when a younger woman at work paid me attention, I was ripe for the picking.

I look younger than my age. I’m successful and well off. She was fun, spontaneous, and – best of all – still curious about the world. My male friends were envious, even though my female friends clearly hated me for what I’d done.

‘Considering the age difference, we got on quite well. We had some great trips overseas and the sex was mind blowing.

‘But six months in, the cracks started to show. She wanted to party hard every weekend – I was feeling exhausted by it all.

‘Her friends were in their late twenties and all into party drugs. I dabbled and they humoured me because they were intrigued by our relationship but soon got bored.

‘She wanted to stay late; I wanted to come home. I saw her looking at men her own age and them looking at her. It was unnerving.

‘It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her, I just didn’t understand why she wasn’t picking them over me. She was in her prime and I wasn’t. One night we were at a gig in a pub and I went to the bar to get drinks.

‘A guy who’d been watching us came over and told me it was nice to see a father and daughter out enjoying themselves together. That was the moment it stopped being sexy and started being humiliating.

‘My male friends moaned about how they were stuck home with the wife having a roast with the in-laws while I was ‘free’ and suddenly that seemed really appealing to me. I craved everything I’d run from – the routine, the repetition, the familiarity.

‘With my new partner, I felt like I had to be fun, young, relevant. It was exhausting.

‘I realised I’d left my wife for a fantasy that didn’t survive daylight. So, I ended the relationship and went, cap in hand, to my wife to beg forgiveness.

‘She – quite rightly – told me where to go and is still refusing to even talk to me. But I know my kids want us to reconcile so I am hoping beyond hope that they will talk her around.

‘I thought I was upgrading, but I was just running from reality. I didn’t realise how much I’d miss the comfort and depth of our marriage.

‘All that shared history was lost: the in-jokes, the shorthand, decades of shared experiences.

‘I’m doing the hard work and seeing a therapist and it’s now painfully obvious that I should have told my wife how I felt rather than running off in search of kicks. That I didn’t feel seen by her, didn’t feel admired.

‘But I’m sure she felt the same – it happens in most long-term relationships. I’ve behaved like an idiot. My advice to the women left behind by men like me? Don’t blame yourself. It’s not about how you look or don’t look, it’s about his insecurity.’

Visit traceycox.com for Tracey’s blog, books and podcast details. Listen to Season 13 of her podcast, Sextok with Tracey and Kelsey wherever you listen to your podcasts.